Like many people gardening found me in the spring of 2020. An initial love of flowers soon became equalled by a passion for growing food. I’d recently had two daughters in close succession with less than a year between them and had become a full time carer to my youngest who was born with epilepsy. By the autumn of 2019 her seizures had stopped and we went happily into 2020 with the hopeful optimism a new year and new decade brings and well, we all know what happened then! With my husband at home on furlough and my daughter’s not yet school age and in spite of the horrific global situation we had a good few months. Gardening became a hobby that I embraced with the enthusiasm I’ve found for new hobbies countless times before. I even added my name to the long allotment waiting lists.
Lockdowns came and went and we all tried to get used to the new world we were living in but our girl's were healthy and happy and once again we felt positive. However As 2020 ended and 2021 began we realised that our daughter no longer made eye contacted, interacted with anyone or attempted to speak. Delays that were once purely physical and expected after 8 months of seizures were now becoming cognitive and significant, sensory issues emerged that lead to borderline malnutrition, anaemia, pica and a whole host of physically debilitating illnesses. The little girl we knew had vanished, disappeared inside herself. It was clear that my time as a stay at home mum and carer was not going to be temporary as we at first thought. Gardening was no longer just a hobby, it was a lifeline. My child’s future had changed before my eyes, it was murky and uncertain and I was terrified and honestly three years later I still am.
Gardening somehow gave me respite from the sleepless nights, from the ‘why her?’ and ‘why me?’ ‘Will we ever hear her voice again?’ and the anger and bitterness I felt that after a very long and painful battle with infertility our bundle of joy it would seem was born to suffer. Being in the garden, sowing the seeds and watching them grow, nurturing the plants and enjoying the fruits of that labour gave me something that to this day is indescribable. It cleared my mind and allowed me to feel that sorrow but let go of the bitterness. It wasn’t a quick or easy healing process but it was deep and thorough and the garden gave me chance to organise my thoughts and gave me clarity.
In May 2023 after three years on the list I became the proud tenant of an allotment. Not just any allotment but my dad’s plot. He’d decided to give up and passed to it me. He’d already planted up by then so I grew a few crops in the gaps until October when I took over properly. It’s a great space and we love it as it is but certain parts are in need of repair so my husband Mark and I with the help of my parents have started work on it.
Creating an instagram account in 2021 to document the garden connected me with like minded people who not only shared my passion but who had also felt natures healing power. Despite being chronically camera shy I felt compelled to start a YouTube channel to further engage with this worldwide community of growers and after years of procrastinating I finally filmed my first video in October of this year. Although to this day I’ve only actually appeared on camera in one video. Baby steps!
Life is easier now, the last few months have seen her make incredible progress and words are coming slowly and her personality is back bigger than brighter than ever. Giggles outnumber cries now. I’m still her carer and in all likelihood will be for as long as I’m able but she’s happy and so we are all happy. Once again we find ourself on the cusp of a new year and I’m once again ready to burst in full of hope and optimism. Two happy girls, lots of new words and a brand new growing year just around the corner!
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